Here’s a disturbing trend for you, “Star Wars Porn” is far and away the most popular search term driving traffic to Please Wash Hands. That’s a pretty good trick since we’ve never posted any actual Star Wars Porn. Perhaps even more interesting, the term is rapidly escalating in volume. I suspect that this is tied to the various sci-fi conventions that all seem to happen in the Spring (has to do with tides), when thousands of sci-fi dorks array themselves in their “finery” and swim furiously upstream in attempt to spawn with the few available females.
Anyway, I’m always up for pandering to the gods of search, so I thought we try to get some more of that Star Wars Porn traffic. Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to present Star Wars double entendres!
- She had a very hairy wookie
- Gonna get up in that tauntaun
- Is that a Y-Wing in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
- His exhaust shaft is two meters wide
- Great, kid. Don’t get cocky.
Hopefully this will result in some amount of coitus dorkus interuptus and more traffic for us. Alright, I’ll throw in one naughty Star Wars pic so you won’t feel cheated. You can see his whole Death Star (note: this is what my nightmares look like).
In honor of Star Wars Day, here’s a collection of odd Star Wars stuff.
I need all of the Star Wars dorks out there to try and contain themselves. This may very well rival your existing fixations with gold bikinis.
How can you not desperately want a Tauntaun sleeping bag? This began as an April Fools joke, but may be headed into production (full details). I hope it ends up being manufactured. Ben is going to be the coolest kid on sleepovers snuggled up in his eviscerated Tauntaun.
This photoshop contest may be the best I have ever seen: Star Wars incorporated into classic works of art. Check it out.
There are moments when you see something so beautiful that you wonder if your world will ever be the same again. This is one of those moments. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to be amazed.
Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn’t seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.
These make me really happy. Thanks go to Your Mom for pointing me at the Cops knock off. And I can’t believe that this is the first time I’ve seen Darth Vader and Japanese police share the screen. Such an obviously good idea
A man with a dream is a beautiful thing. A dork with a dream is kind of pretty on the inside I guess. This guy’s dream involved four years, 60,000 Legos, and $3000 to build a Hoth base and battle scene. Soooo cool in a “live in your parents’ basement” kind of way. Check him out.
I’m watching Curious George with my kid this morning, and the Star Wars theme song is stuck in my head. I know loving Star Wars as much as I do makes me a dork, but it could be worse. In the dork pecking order I’m still ok (see below).
- Star Wars Fan <-Able to blend in with general society
- Battle Star Galactica Fan (New series)
- Star Trek Fan
- Battle Star Galactica Fan (Old series)
- Comic Book Fans
- Dr. Who Fans <- Bottom of the dork food chain. Very sad with their little scarves
Anyway, I thought I’d throw out some stuff for those of us who would have strangled a drifter to be Luke Skywalker when we were 8 years old…who am I kidding? I’d still do it.
Star Wars Asciimation – Over the last 6 years or so this guy has been reproducing the first movie entirely in animated ascii text. Freakish dedication at its finest.
Han Solo in Carbonite Chocolate Bar – This only makes sense.
Don’t forget that Bespin had Oompa Loompas 
These videos are also pretty great.
Star Wars Coming To America
