Please Wash Hands » search

Autocomplete Me

Steve — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 17:23:57 +0000

I’m so happy right now. I just discovered AutocompleMe.com. They’ve taken my love of Google search suggestions and turned it into a dedicated site. They are wonderful people. Go, right this minute, and check them out.

Google Suggestions keep on rolling

Steve — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:13:15 +0000

I can’t resist keeping the Google suggestion train moving. Here’s some more of what Google thinks we’re looking for.

Why can’t

Why can’t I own a Canadian – A Canadian is a big responsibility. Remember what happened with the goldfish? Your mother ended up having to change his water and when you kept overfeeding him he died. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think you’re ready to take care of a Canadian yet.

Can a human

Can a human get a dog pregnant – Oh my god!
Can a human get pregnant from an animal – OH MY GOD! The thing that is really troubling from these two is that I’m not sure if they’re worried about it or trying to create some sort of mutant “man-imal”.

Will he

Will he call – It’s a search engine, not a freakin’ magic 8-ball
will hemorrhoids go away on their own – Only if you pray hard enough.

Barack Obama is

Barack Obama is the antichrist – Wrong
Barack Obama is a muslim – Wrong
Barack Obama is a communist – Wrong
Barack Obama is satan – Maybe
Barack Obama is your new bicycle – Correct!

WolframAlpha is amazing!

Steve — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:56:48 +0000

We were trying to figure out what specifically is room temperature in fahrenheit. I figured we’d check out Wolfram Alpha since it’s such an amazing piece of technology for specific data and calculation. Behold the majesty!

Search term: “what is room temperature”
Answer: room temperature | the normal temperature of room in which people live

Way to bring the science, guys.

Google makes suggestions

Steve — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:57:10 +0000

If you’ve been on Google lately or read the last post, you know that Google has started making suggestions of searches as you type in the search box. Example:

As best as I can tell, these are the most common searches that start with what you’ve entered so far. Some of these are crazy. Here’s some sets of what you type and the suggestions they give (notes are not provided by Google)

Where is

Where is Dubai - Geographically, politically, or metaphysically?
Where is Chuck Norris - Everywhere, and nowhere
Where is Waldo - Behind the mail box
Where is the g spot - In Dubai

Who was

Who was the youngest president - Most people don’t know this, but Taft was only eight and a half years old when he was sworn in
Who was eliminated on dancing with the stars - Sigh

When was

When was Jesus born - Christmas in the year zero obviously
When was John McCain born - See above

Why do

Why do men have nipples - They’re like hood ornaments (entirely decorative)
Why do men cheat - Not going to touch this one (Hi Honey!)
Why do dogs eat poop - That poop isn’t going to eat itself, mister
Why do dogs eat grass - See above

How to

How to get pregnant - Usually involves some combination of love, rum, carelessness, or insufficient latex tensile strength
How to make money - See above

I feel like we all learned a valuable lesson today.

Why is my poop green?

Steve — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:35:41 +0000

The web is full of rabbit holes and this is one of the weirder ones I’ve come across in a while. Here’s the process. Try it at home!

1) Go google.com
2) Type in “Why is” but don’t hit the search button. This will generate a set of suggested searches based on popularity of searching on google. This is where things get crazy. The third most popular search term is “Why is my poop green”. Seriously. Here’s a screen shot.

3) So I had to check out what sort of magnificence waited behind the “why is my poop green” search.

4) PoopReport.com?!?! Your one stop source for stories of unbelievable poops and, something new to me, “poop terrorism”. Behold the glory of their logo.

Thank you google for broadening horizons.

We’ve got searches!

Steve — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 05:04:24 +0000

So I hooked up WordPress analytics to get an idea of how our magnificent creation here is getting used. There’s an interesting report in there that shows what searches terms have led people to Please Wash Hands. Some of these are great. I think this may become a recurring post. A few of my favorites:

cold sore - I don’t think we wrote about this…
shit on hands no wash - Sucks to be that guy’s keyboard
really really cute pupppy pictures - I hope the guy from the last search didn’t pet them
wife beater girl - That girl beat my wife!!
hand in butt hole video - Because the still photos weren’t going to cut it?
legos bible circumcision - I’m glad I’m not the only one that has Googled this
hiccups fetish - Um…

So there you go. Judging from these, Google has a really weird notion of what Wiley and I have been up to. Well, I suppose we’ll have to go ahead and find a hand in butt hole video to put up. All you, Wiley.