A while back I covered one of my favorite news stories of all time: Newspaper claims car thief transformed into a goat. Then I came across the update that the goat was being held pending scientific review:
“We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat,” Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed said. [read full story]
Well, the story has made another dramatic turn. The goat has been sold! The Daily Independent out of Lagos thankfully ran an opinion piece that provides all sort of helpful follow up information and some valid criticisms of how the case was handled (Read the full story here). Hakeem Jamiu, the author of the piece, is a media consultant and columnist. Some of the highlights of the story:
“The latest about the goat was that it has been sold for N300 and the case closed…Why did they rush into selling the goat and why for as low as N300 naira, an amount that cannot buy a good chicken?”
This is an excellent question. As an expert on all things farm animal related, I can confidently say that a goat is bigger than a chicken. Perhaps buyers are wary of a goat that steals? Mr. Jamiu has his own theory:
“It is suspected that a relation of the robber-turned-goat might have bought it!”
Ah, a well calculated springing of the goat from the pokey. Well played, goat relatives! Mr. Jamiu also makes some interesting points as to the potential validity in the goat-man-conversion theory by citing other well known magical events in recent history. I have a hard time disputing this one:
“Another frightening experience was relayed by the late talented comedian, Gbenga Adeboye, who said he once slept and dreamt of eating meat and, behold, his mouth was full of meat when he woke up! I don’t know how science would explain this.”
Where is your science now, Mr. Scientist? The man had a mouthful of meat?!?
So just to wrap up the timeline:
- A man attempted to steal a car
- He turned into a goat to avoid capture
- The goat was detained by police pending scientific goat analysis
- Goat transformation DNA analysis was apparently inconclusive
- The goat was sold at bargain basement goat prices
- The goat may be back among his relatives plotting his next heist
I, for one, am going to be far more watchful in petting zoos.
There’s nothing sadder than the man trying to keep the brother down. In this case the man is the Nigerian police force and the brother is a goat that allegedly used to be a car thief. The original capture story is here. Anyway, more details have come to light. The Nigerian police are detaining the goat pending further investigation. Here’s the best part of the follow up story:
“We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat,” Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed said. [read full story]
As a science enthusiast, I would like to volunteer my services to help scientifically prove that this goat used to be a man. Some initially ideas on how to go about it:
- Shake the goat severely and see if he asks me to stop
- Does he float? (Monty Python fans should giggle now)
- DNA testing
- Gauge reaction of goat porn vs. human porn (may not be entirely accurate)
- Yell “Hey Goat!” and see if he looks
So there you go. Through effective application of the scientific method we can either condemn a guilty man or free an innocent goat.
From the massive amount of inheritance money that needs to be smuggled out to the obvious belief in witchcraft, I’m starting to think that I could really make a go of it in Nigeria. This article caught my eye and makes me really really happy.
Newspaper claims car thief transformed into a goat
LAGOS, Nigeria – One of Nigeria‘s biggest daily newspapers reported that police implicated a goat in an attempted automobile theft. In a front-page article on Friday, the Vanguard newspaper said that two men tried to steal a Mazda car two days earlier in Kwara State, with one suspect transforming himself into a goat as vigilantes cornered him. [read more]
