Christian Side Hug

Steve — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:36:51 +0000

What can I say about this? How can I capture the societal disconnect that this video embodies? Let me tell you a story. Early on in my college tenure, I lived in a suite in the dorms. One day I came home and my neighbors had put up a sign on their door: V-Town. They rolled out, a couple of wealthy religious white kids dressed up as they imagined homies would, and explained in their best gangster lingo, “Yeah boy, we’re V-Town up in this hizzy. That’s virgin town. We’ze hardcore keepin’ it pure for Jesus. Hell yeah!”

That made me sad. This is worse. What they seem to be advocating is that standard hugs bring the naughty swimsuit regions too close together. A side hug is the only way to safely express affection. This makes sense if you are familiar with your scriptures. I refer you to Marmosets 14:12, “And Jesus did embrace all those in the temple, but in sort of an awkward way from they side lest they become unclean through unacceptable proximity of their junk.” Amen.

And if you’re going to promote something entirely fabricated and pedantic, white people rapping is usually the correct mode of expression. I especially like the chorus:

I’m a rough rider
Filled up with Christ’s love
Gimme that Christian side hug
That Christian side hug

Let’s all watch this thing, shall we? Remember kids, leave room for the holy spirit!

Please Wash Hands » hug

Christian Side Hug