Halloween is upon us, and I figured it’s time to bring out a couple of the more dork-tacular costumes for your perusal. Enjoy their fabulousness! Note: None of these will help your chances with the ladies.
It turns out that “Renaissance Faire Dork” is one of the most popular search terms leading to Please Wash Hands. Who am I to not give the people what they want? Here are the biggest renaissance faire dorks I could find. Enjoy.
LARP’ers (Live Action Role Players) are the saddest flavor of ren fair dork. At least this gaggle (flock? gang?) found each other. Lightning bolt!
I’ll see your lightning bolt and raise you a magic missile.
Here at Please Wash Hands, we have a standing rule against hairy men in thongs. Wiley and I discussed it thoroughly at the site’s inception and drew a hard line. Mr. Dunn has forced us to violate that most sacred of rules.
Take a moment to let these burn into your brain. He’s almost hypnotic if you look too long. Scarred for life? Good. Now let’s discuss some of the interesting observations and inferences we can make from the photos.
- He likes guns. He has 8 of them by my count. The next time you defend the second ammendment, Mr. Heston (I know he’s dead but I’m not sure who runs the NRA these days), remember this is the guy your defending.
- Going bald apparently is localized only to the cranial region and does not impact overall hair growth.
- Man is, in fact, descended from apes (or at least hairier men).
- Not all hobbits are cute
- He doesn’t seem to understand that two leather belts do not a bandolier make. Although, his reasons for opting for something other than duct tape are obvious.
- Perhaps most troubling is the guitars. They aren’t real guitars. They’re controllers for Guitar Hero. (Hey Activision guys, your target market has no pants!)
So there you go. Something horrific for your Thursday morning.
Stop whatever it is that you are doing and immediately proceed to the Sexy People Blog. Don’t ask questions. Just go. Wayne and Jeffery command it!
P.S. Hey Wiley, Chad sends his love.
Geeks everywhere are in a state of nerd-ticipation. Tomorrow is 1234567890 in Unix time! Oh Damn!! Locations of all of the slamming parties are detailed here. I like that the LA event is at Harry O’s (Tee hee hee).
I’ve got a real gem for you to wrap up 2008. I give you Sorry I Missed Your Party. It’s a fine collection of the worst of folks’ party photos collected from around the web. As the New Year’s Eve parties are about to swing into full effect, this seemed completely appropriate. An example from their site:
A man with a dream is a beautiful thing. A dork with a dream is kind of pretty on the inside I guess. This guy’s dream involved four years, 60,000 Legos, and $3000 to build a Hoth base and battle scene. Soooo cool in a “live in your parents’ basement” kind of way. Check him out.
I’m watching Curious George with my kid this morning, and the Star Wars theme song is stuck in my head. I know loving Star Wars as much as I do makes me a dork, but it could be worse. In the dork pecking order I’m still ok (see below).
- Star Wars Fan <-Able to blend in with general society
- Battle Star Galactica Fan (New series)
- Star Trek Fan
- Battle Star Galactica Fan (Old series)
- Comic Book Fans
- Dr. Who Fans <- Bottom of the dork food chain. Very sad with their little scarves
Anyway, I thought I’d throw out some stuff for those of us who would have strangled a drifter to be Luke Skywalker when we were 8 years old…who am I kidding? I’d still do it.
Star Wars Asciimation – Over the last 6 years or so this guy has been reproducing the first movie entirely in animated ascii text. Freakish dedication at its finest.
Han Solo in Carbonite Chocolate Bar – This only makes sense.
Don’t forget that Bespin had Oompa Loompas 
These videos are also pretty great.
Star Wars Coming To America
Renaissance faire dorks are damn near the bottom of the dork scale (they make the Dungeons & Dragons kids look like Rico Suave back in the month when he was cool). Many is the time time I’ve wondered, ”is there anything more unnecessary than a bunch of adults reliving what is arguably one of the low points of human history?” Yup, you can put cats and squirrels in armor.
If you have time to make chain mail for a cat, you really ought to reconsider some of your life choices…
