Please Wash Hands » Injury

I blame Kim Kardashian

Steve — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 19:07:08 +0000

Did you hear the one about the transvestite amateur plastic surgeon doing butt implants with Fix-a-Flat? No punchline, just a very irresponsible cross-dresser. Read all about it.

LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!!

Steve — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 18:05:27 +0000

While I’m usually a supporter of any lawyer who goes by “The Hammer”, his commercial may have just scarred me for life. Watch the background behind him.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yj2PPWFXFw

Actually, forget “The Hammer”. Berger & Greene just raised the bar for legal mayhem.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCxZT_VdOaI

Failure makes me giggle

Steve — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 17:39:42 +0000

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmJdQWuVqmM

I love Chicken McNuggets this much

Steve — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 17:00:41 +0000

Pop quiz people! You wake up in the morning with a hankering for some delicious Chicken McNuggets only to find that you’re still in the McMuffin limbo that is breakfast. Do you:

(a) Cry yourself back to sleep and hope that it will be after 10:30 when you wake up?

(b) Consider the many wrong life choices that led you to this point?

If you answered C, you’re probably the lady in this video.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlbV-NPT56s

Mozambique’s Flag Smacks Your Flag Around, Gives Wedgie

Steve — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 17:04:18 +0000

Flags are a reflection of the heart of a people. They are the physical manifestation of their pride and aspirations, the essence of their national character made real. They whisper the histories of nations as they flutter in the breeze. Mozambique’s flag whispers, “I am going to shoot you with an AK-47. Then I might stab you with the bayonet.”

Samurai sword slip

Steve — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 18:20:12 +0000

Four were critically injured in his later attempt to commit seppuku.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNtDZ0sStEU

F@*! My Life

Steve — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 20:17:01 +0000

Other people’s misery is often just the ticket to feel better about yourself. If FMyLife.com doesn’t do it for you, you should absolutely be contributing to it to help the rest of us out. Some samples to brighten your day:

Today, the girl I love and I went to visit my parents out of state for the first time. My father grinned and acknowledged that she was a “keeper”, at which she laughed and said we were “just friends”. I was going to propose to her next week. FML

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, “Why’d you do that??” He said, “I have lice, now you have lice too!” FML

Today, I saw a elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

Don’t you chew on my genitals, you damn dirty ape!!

Steve — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 16:53:23 +0000

I am always excited about monkeys (tell me you didn’t love Project X). Monkey escape stories are usually comic gold. This article, however, is just frightening.

Woman’s life in danger after chimp attack [full story]

Allow me to pull some of the more disturbing quotes for your perusal.

“Travis (the monkey)… used a key to escape.” - Holy crap! They’re learning to use tools. Damn you and your opposable monkey thumbs.
“She then called 911 before stabbing the chimp with butcher knife and hitting him with a shovel.” – Crazy lady, butcher knives and shovels are only going to make him angry!
“police later shot the chimp multiple times after he attacked an officer inside a police cruiser” – He used a coat hanger to get in.
“Travis returned to the house, where police later found him dead” – This is after being stabbed, shovel pummeled, and shot several times. He’s the chimp version of 50 Cent.
“In 2005, a different chimp escaped from California’s Animal Haven Ranch and chewed off a man’s nose and genitals.” – That’s it. I am officially in favor of clear cutting the habitat of any animal that has the potential of chewing off my nose and genitals.

I’m honestly a little concerned that Chuck Heston is no longer around to protect us.

Hey, Alanis! Now this is ironic…

Steve — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 16:42:58 +0000

Here’s a helpful tip for all of you out there. If you start a TV station in New York dedicated to eliminating the negative stereotypes about Muslims, you should try to avoid cutting your wife’s head off. That’s one to grow on.

Founder of Islamic TV station accused of beheading wife
NEW YORK (CNN) – The founder of an upstate New York TV station aimed at countering Muslim stereotypes has been arrested on suspicion of killing his wife, who was beheaded, authorities said. [full story]

This is why you’re fat

Wiley — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 19:39:57 +0000

I think this may be my new favorite site. It showcases the best in fried/bacon infused/heart attack inducing food

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

I really want to try most of these is the sad thing

here are a few choice examples, click on any pic to go to the site

The Double Bacon Hamburger Fatty Melt

Three bacon-stuffed grilled cheese sandwichs for buns, cheese, bacon and two four-ounce beefs patties.