Please Wash Hands » Commercials http://www.pleasewashhands.com We waste time online so you don't have to Thu, 02 Sep 2010 21:30:28 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 Oh yeah! http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2010/08/oh-yeah/ http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2010/08/oh-yeah/#comments Fri, 27 Aug 2010 04:59:31 +0000 Steve http://www.pleasewashhands.com/?p=1042

]]> http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2010/08/oh-yeah/feed/ 0 LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!! http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2010/08/look-out-behind-you/ http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2010/08/look-out-behind-you/#comments Fri, 20 Aug 2010 18:05:27 +0000 Steve http://www.pleasewashhands.com/?p=1026 While I’m usually a supporter of any lawyer who goes by “The Hammer”, his commercial may have just scarred me for life.  Watch the background behind him.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yj2PPWFXFw

Actually, forget “The Hammer”.  Berger & Greene just raised the bar for legal mayhem.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCxZT_VdOaI

]]> http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2010/08/look-out-behind-you/feed/ 0 Let’s get a haircut http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2010/08/lets-get-a-haircut/ http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2010/08/lets-get-a-haircut/#comments Fri, 20 Aug 2010 18:05:25 +0000 Steve http://www.pleasewashhands.com/?p=1024 How can you not love a barber college with such amazing quotes as:

“Your hairdo is only limited by your imagination. And how far along we are in the semester.”

“I won’t mess up.  Even if I do, it’s only $2″

And don’t forget to check out their pre-mission cut guaranteed to last two years (yeah, they’re in Salt Lake City).

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XLshEBvYdw

]]> http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2010/08/lets-get-a-haircut/feed/ 0 Remember when toys were cool? http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2010/08/remember-when-toys-were-cool/ http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2010/08/remember-when-toys-were-cool/#comments Fri, 20 Aug 2010 18:05:22 +0000 Steve http://www.pleasewashhands.com/?p=1022 Where is the NRA when we need them?  Someone needs to stand up for Little Billy’s simulated second ammendment rights and bring back the snub nose .38 (for kids).

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMqd5EQXD-g

]]> http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2010/08/remember-when-toys-were-cool/feed/ 0 Pimp My Ride…Now with extra whale penis http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/10/pimp-my-ride-now-with-extra-whale-penis/ http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/10/pimp-my-ride-now-with-extra-whale-penis/#comments Wed, 14 Oct 2009 16:49:29 +0000 Steve http://www.pleasewashhands.com/?p=844

Allow me to introduce you to the Dartz Kombat T98.   RussoBaltiques have been the car of choice for generations of Russian despots (the Tzars, Lenin, Stalin).  In the proud tradition of the exploitative Soviet monarchy/socialist state/capitalist oligarchy, those of you with $1.4 million lying around can get a car with some pretty fancy upgrades generally unavailable to the whimpering proletariat you keep beneath your iron boot heel.

1. Ruby Red matte paint
2. Gold-plated bulletproof windows
3. 22″ Kremlin Red Star bulletproof wheels
4. Whale Penis Leather interior
5. Tungsten exhaust
6. Tungsten and white gold gauges with diamonds and rubies
7. White gold diamond and ruby encrusted badges – grill, side and dashboard
8. Special edition Vertu mobile phone with “alert” button
9. Additional outside kevlar coating
10. Rogue Acoustic Audio System.

And, of course, of course -
THREE BOTTLES OF World Most Expensive Vodka – RussoBaltique Vodka, drink edition, same as in the RussoBaltique car when it visited Monaco at 1912.

Let’s all spend a moment on number 4. I think whaling for meat is despicable.  Whaling for luxurious whale penis leather, now that’s something that I hadn’t really considered before. A few key questions come to mind:

  • Are they killing the whales for this leather, or is there some sort of undersea mohel involved?
  • Who pushed the whale penis leather concept forward? Was it a whaler who thought to himself, “Wow, we’ve got a lot or whale penis on board. I wonder if it would be nice on bucket seats?” Or was it a car interior designer attempting avenge himself for that one long night at Sea World?
  • How many whales are required?  I’m not even sure how to begin estimating the leather yield from one whale penis. It could be 4 square inches. They could be dragging 47 feet of whale foreskin through the ocean depths.
  • How luxurious is it?  If we’re going to further deplete the whale supply for this, it better be pretty freakin nice.

So there you go.  Russia has once again shown us the way to a much more ridiculous future.

]]> http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/10/pimp-my-ride-now-with-extra-whale-penis/feed/ 0 Your Logo Makes Me Barf http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/10/your-logo-makes-me-barf/ http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/10/your-logo-makes-me-barf/#comments Sun, 04 Oct 2009 18:39:50 +0000 Steve http://www.pleasewashhands.com/?p=841 I just want to clarify something right out the gate.  If MS Paint is your primary graphics program, you are not a designer.  For the love of God, please stop pretending you are.  Your Logo Makes Me Barf is your one stop shop for failed logo design.  Behold the awesomeness.

Would it have been too much to ask that the kid be off to one side?

I’m a little confused by some of the imagery here.  Condor, turtle, a big N, I’m willing to accept all those, but why is the turtle farting a music note?  The best part is that this is the logo of a design firm.

]]> http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/10/your-logo-makes-me-barf/feed/ 0 For those who can’t wipe their own ass http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/06/for-those-who-cant-wipe-their-own-ass/ http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/06/for-those-who-cant-wipe-their-own-ass/#comments Fri, 12 Jun 2009 20:13:56 +0000 Wiley http://www.pleasewashhands.com/?p=711 I bring you the comfort wipe
here’s how to order and lose your dignity

www.youtube.com/watch?v=crfGXmxJ1vM

]]> http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/06/for-those-who-cant-wipe-their-own-ass/feed/ 0 Rap Chop http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/04/rap-chop/ http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/04/rap-chop/#comments Mon, 27 Apr 2009 22:16:05 +0000 Wiley http://www.pleasewashhands.com/?p=654 apparently when Vince from Sham-Wow isn’t selling us shamwows, slapchops or biting hookers toungues  he is an excellent rapper

though i suspect he is using Auto-tune

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWRyj5cHIQA

]]> http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/04/rap-chop/feed/ 0 Just checkin’ out my clubs http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/03/just-checkin-out-my-clubs/ http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/03/just-checkin-out-my-clubs/#comments Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:08:37 +0000 Wiley http://www.pleasewashhands.com/?p=583 Perfect gift for fathers day

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncjYnLgxyCI

]]> http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/03/just-checkin-out-my-clubs/feed/ 0 Alex Trebek pulls a Ron Burgundy http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/03/alex-trebek-pulls-a-ron-burgundy/ http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/03/alex-trebek-pulls-a-ron-burgundy/#comments Sat, 07 Mar 2009 16:47:07 +0000 Steve http://www.pleasewashhands.com/?p=576 I like Scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GU2w72KAkQQ

]]> http://www.pleasewashhands.com/2009/03/alex-trebek-pulls-a-ron-burgundy/feed/ 0