It seems that Google suggestions is becoming a regular feature here on Please Wash Hands. We’ve already covered some pretty fantastic ones here, here, here, and here. Might as well keep the trend going.
Can we
- Can weed kill you – This is a surprisingly cogent query given that it is clearly being asked by folks that are way too high (I’m freakin’ out man!).
- Can weed go bad – This is generally the next thing they search for
- Can we live on mars – Yes. Now go sit down, you’re still high.
Can I – This one is fun because the first few suggestions tell a little story. Thanks google!
- Can I have your number
- Can I tap that
- Can I get pregnant on my period
- Can I has cheeseburger
My hamster – Consider the sad tale of Mr. Hamster as told through Google suggestions.
- My hamster escaped
- My hamster is scared of me
- My hamster smells
- My hamster is sick
- My hamster has a tumor
- My hamster is dying
- My hamster died
So then
- So then I says to Mabel I says – Come on, don’t leave us hanging!!
- so then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him very carefully – I suspect that alcohol may have been involved.
- so then i said to the cop no you’re driving under the influence… of being a jerk – And that’s when he taser’d me
- so then i told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup – Great story, dude. Now how about you get back there and finish emptying my septic tank?
- so then i was like avada kedavra and he was like dead – J.K. Rowling was just getting lazy with the last couple of books.
Why does
- why does asparagus make urine smell – It wants to make sure you feel like you got your money’s worth
- Why does ice float – Because it’s less dense than water
- Why does poop float – Because it’s make of magical colon ice
- Why does google have two l’s – Um, dude, look at the question you just asked. I’ll wait.
- Why does my vag smell – Well, you have to take into account that vagabonds don’t generally have access to shower facilities when they ride the rails. They may go weeks living out of their polka-dot handkerchief bindles in a single set of clothes. Oh wait, you meant vagina? Yeah, you better have that thing looked at.
Let’s see what google has to say about itself.
Google loves
- Google loves you – Oh, that’s sweet
- Google loves me – That’s nice too
- Google loves video – That would explain the $1.6 billion they spent on youtube
- Google loves blogs – I’m sure they are all reading Please Wash Hands on a regular basis
Google hates
- Google hates you – You’re hot then you’re cold. We can’t go on like this!
- Google hates bambi – It’s a little know fact that Larry and Sergey shot Bambi’s mom
- Google hate mexicans – This makes sense when you think about it. There’s an endless stream of PhD level search engineers flowing across the border willing to tune crawlers and search algorithms for less than minimum wage. They’re going to steal all of our search and contextually targeted advertising jobs!
That’s it for this installment. Be sure to send over any good suggestions you see.
