I’m quite fixated on the odd suggestions Google often makes as you type in your search. They’re supposedly ordered by popularity of searches that begin with those terms and trend towards the odd/disturbing. Here’s my previous collection of highlights. The time has come for more.
Let’s start with a stumper that crops up when you type “Why Won’t”:
Why won’t my parakeet eat my diarrhea? - Not only are people apparently attempting to get their parakeets to indulge in fudge consumption (it’s made around the corner from the lemonade), but this is common enough to be the primary suggestion for “Why won’t”. Don’t you think Mr. Parakeet would prefer some seeds? LEAVE THE POOR BIRD ALONE, YOU MONSTERS!
Let’s spin the wheel again.
Why are
- Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria – Because they’re cooler than you are
- Why are my nipples sore – You need to find a better place to clip your JC Penny’s name tag
I like
- i like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur – You realize that I am now scouring the office for tape
- i like to think of jesus as a mischievous badger – It makes sense if you think about it. Look at John 14:28, “And He did look out from his badger hole and say unto them, ‘ I ate all of the sandwiches when you weren’t looking. Tee hee’” Amen.
Why will
- Why will the world end in 2012 – Because the Mayan people are still pretty upset about that whole Conquistador thing
- why will a magnet attract an ordinary nail or paper clip but not a wooden pencil – Well Billy, at high enough energy levels an electromagnet actually will be able to attract a pencil. This has to do with the…you know what? Let’s just go ahead and have you repeat the fourth grade.
Why don’t
- Why don’t people like me – Because you keep trying to feed diarrhea to your parakeet.
I hope you all appreciate having some knowledge dropped on you.
